last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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