ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
