I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
