No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
