She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
