May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
where does the pee come out of this thing
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
