At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
