I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
