I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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