I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
