your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
