mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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