There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
