The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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