Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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