so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
