I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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