so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
