Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
