Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
