you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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