she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
