it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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