And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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