I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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