I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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