He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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