she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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