I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My vagina is officially offended.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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