Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
