and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think your dad took our porno
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
