You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
