One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
