So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize