Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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