i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize