you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
