Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish i was in the wii world.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
