I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
