im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
