think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
