I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
