my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
