My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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