I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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