does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
