Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
