Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
