you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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