you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
