im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
