I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
