I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
