Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
