i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize