there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hippo gnu deer
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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