Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
