Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
