It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Watching her eat just hurts me
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
