Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize