I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
