You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Farmville is her only friend.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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