friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
