Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
only you would photoshop your dick
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
