By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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