Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
