What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
