he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
