i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
