Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
