I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
