Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
everyone is single if you try hard enough
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
