maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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