all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
