i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
